Achieving "Perfection"

As women, it seems we struggle with that ever elusive pursuit of perfection.  We try to perfect our appearance, our homes, our jobs, our children, and yes even our husbands.  We want the world to believe we have achieved perfection while privately knowing we fall so short.  So we beat ourselves up, compare ourselves with others whom we believe are more perfect than we are.

Since my 20's, I always looked at that "40 something" woman with a feeling of awe and a bit of envy.  They seemed to have something I didn't, something I wanted.  They owned their homes, had families, were established in their careers, and just had an air about them that seemed to exude a confidence my friends and I were trying too hard to pretend we had.  I wanted what they had seemed to achieve.

Now I am that "40 something" woman.  (Yet I have no misconceptions that anyone looks at me with awe and envy!)  I do not feel I have achieved anything great.  I have a beautiful house that we have made into a home, yet it comes with a mortgage that is sometimes hard to pay, not to mention I have to clean that house.  Despite all my intentions and hard work, my family is beautiful, yet far from perfect.  My career...well, lets just say that I love what I do for a living, but it is far from a career.  In fact, I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up!  And that confidence,  Istill fake it from time to time.

But I can say, I follow that pursuit of perfection far less than I used to. 

My house does not have to be perfect, it just needs to be comfortable for my family and I.  I will never have the body I had in my 20's, but this body has given life to another and has endured the pain of RA and age.  My body may not be as physically strong as it was, but I have gained more strength through the challenges and trials in life.  My marriage is not perfect, but like my body has gained strength through the tough times and my amazing husband is my rock.   My cute smart, talented, funny daughter is beautifully imperfect.

Sometime in the past few years, I focused less on perfection.  I started focusing on being happy, content "whatever state I am in".  I started focusing on being healthy, not perfect.  I let go of that impossibility of perfection and started being more real.  I took off the mask and started showing the real me.

I try now to focus on the things I can change, work on things I can improve.  I worry less about the things I can't change.  And even in this, I am not perfect and sometimes worry and obsess about the little things or things out of my control.

It wasn't until I let go of that pursuit of perfection, that I looked in the mirror and realized that I liked what I saw, flaws and all!