It's the end of spring break, and while some moms are ready for their children to go back to school and get out of the house, I'm not ready for it to end.
Spring break is not only a break for my daughter, it's a break for me, a week off, because I work at the school. And this spring break, like every other break, I had big plans. Plans that did not come to fruition. Plans to get things done. Plans to read some books. Plans to enjoy some spring weather. Plans to kick back and relax.
I did not get enough done.
I did not read enough books.
I did not get out much and enjoy the weather (it was windy most of the week any way).
I DID NOT KICK BACK AND RELAX!!!
For instance, this was my day today. I got up and cleaned a little. I went to Wal Mart for some things I needed and stressed out about how much I was spending. I came home and went for a run so that I could report to my chiropractor that I did in fact go running. I planned my Sunday School lesson that I need to teach tomorrow (a good teacher would have planned it last week!). I took my dogs and daughter for a walk so that they got some exercise. I cleaned my front porch (yes! I clean my porch.) and got it ready for the warm weather. I pulled some weeds (why are the weeds green and growing before anything else?!). Then I baked cookies and goodies for a bake sale tomorrow. I stressed out about the amount of saturated fat and sugar I ate today, while I was licking the spatula (the main ingredient was cream cheese after all!!). I was hard on myself because I did not call a friend back two days ago! Now as I'm sitting at my computer I know that I have a mess in my kitchen that I need to clean up, and I feel a strong need to mop my kitchen floor because I HAVE to do it every week at least.
Now, I know I am not alone in this type of day, week, life. We are women and this is what we do. We stress about calories, about money, about lack of exercise, about our house being clean enough, about being good enough for ourselves and others. When do we take time to "smell the roses"?
Even though I am imperfect, I am still a perfectionist. A friend came over yesterday and I expressed that I still need to clean the main level of my house. She looked at me with surprise and said in disbelief "This needs to be clean?" I was left wondering why I put such high expectations on myself. I never thought of myself as an over-achiever. When did I become this crazy person who wipes down the outside of my front door instead of sitting on the front porch and reading a book?
I don't know if I am more sad that spring break is over because I didn't get all my "To Do" list done or because I did not take time and just chill out with my daughter.
Now I need to go. After all, I still have a floor to mop!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Imperfect Perfectionist: Undercover Blessings
The Imperfect Perfectionist: Undercover Blessings: "My daughter woke up with a fever this morning, which means texts to the teachers I work with, a call to the assistant principal letting her ..."
Undercover Blessings
My daughter woke up with a fever this morning, which means texts to the teachers I work with, a call to the assistant principal letting her know I won't be there to proctor the tests, a call to the school attendance line, a call to a co-worker to see if she can cover for recess, a call to my carpool partner, and an email to her teacher. It also means I don't get to go to a friends house tonight and our plans for tomorrow may be affected as well. It means my daughter has to make up a test she will miss today and we will spend part of our weekend doing homework so she does not get behind.
Well, that's one way to look at it. But dare I say, this is an undercover blessing.
Those calls are made, done. Things are covered, or will be covered. My daughter is not miserable. And I'll deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.
The way I have chosen to look at this is as a blessing. I have declared today "Jammie Day!" We will hang out in our PJ's, read, watch TV and movies. I will get some laundry done, clean a bit, spend time with my sweet girl. We will take a nap (a lovely luxury!) and maybe even do mani-pedi's. This is just a forced day off and maybe we both need it.
I am not a "Pollyanna" or an eternal optimist, but I do try to see the glass half full and look for the silver lining. Things are just more fun that way!
Today, as you encounter the bumps in the road or even road blocks, look for the blessing that just may be working undercover.
Well, that's one way to look at it. But dare I say, this is an undercover blessing.
Those calls are made, done. Things are covered, or will be covered. My daughter is not miserable. And I'll deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.
The way I have chosen to look at this is as a blessing. I have declared today "Jammie Day!" We will hang out in our PJ's, read, watch TV and movies. I will get some laundry done, clean a bit, spend time with my sweet girl. We will take a nap (a lovely luxury!) and maybe even do mani-pedi's. This is just a forced day off and maybe we both need it.
I am not a "Pollyanna" or an eternal optimist, but I do try to see the glass half full and look for the silver lining. Things are just more fun that way!
Today, as you encounter the bumps in the road or even road blocks, look for the blessing that just may be working undercover.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Achieving "Perfection"
As women, it seems we struggle with that ever elusive pursuit of perfection. We try to perfect our appearance, our homes, our jobs, our children, and yes even our husbands. We want the world to believe we have achieved perfection while privately knowing we fall so short. So we beat ourselves up, compare ourselves with others whom we believe are more perfect than we are.
Since my 20's, I always looked at that "40 something" woman with a feeling of awe and a bit of envy. They seemed to have something I didn't, something I wanted. They owned their homes, had families, were established in their careers, and just had an air about them that seemed to exude a confidence my friends and I were trying too hard to pretend we had. I wanted what they had seemed to achieve.
Now I am that "40 something" woman. (Yet I have no misconceptions that anyone looks at me with awe and envy!) I do not feel I have achieved anything great. I have a beautiful house that we have made into a home, yet it comes with a mortgage that is sometimes hard to pay, not to mention I have to clean that house. Despite all my intentions and hard work, my family is beautiful, yet far from perfect. My career...well, lets just say that I love what I do for a living, but it is far from a career. In fact, I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up! And that confidence, Istill fake it from time to time.
But I can say, I follow that pursuit of perfection far less than I used to.
My house does not have to be perfect, it just needs to be comfortable for my family and I. I will never have the body I had in my 20's, but this body has given life to another and has endured the pain of RA and age. My body may not be as physically strong as it was, but I have gained more strength through the challenges and trials in life. My marriage is not perfect, but like my body has gained strength through the tough times and my amazing husband is my rock. My cute smart, talented, funny daughter is beautifully imperfect.
Sometime in the past few years, I focused less on perfection. I started focusing on being happy, content "whatever state I am in". I started focusing on being healthy, not perfect. I let go of that impossibility of perfection and started being more real. I took off the mask and started showing the real me.
I try now to focus on the things I can change, work on things I can improve. I worry less about the things I can't change. And even in this, I am not perfect and sometimes worry and obsess about the little things or things out of my control.
It wasn't until I let go of that pursuit of perfection, that I looked in the mirror and realized that I liked what I saw, flaws and all!
Since my 20's, I always looked at that "40 something" woman with a feeling of awe and a bit of envy. They seemed to have something I didn't, something I wanted. They owned their homes, had families, were established in their careers, and just had an air about them that seemed to exude a confidence my friends and I were trying too hard to pretend we had. I wanted what they had seemed to achieve.
Now I am that "40 something" woman. (Yet I have no misconceptions that anyone looks at me with awe and envy!) I do not feel I have achieved anything great. I have a beautiful house that we have made into a home, yet it comes with a mortgage that is sometimes hard to pay, not to mention I have to clean that house. Despite all my intentions and hard work, my family is beautiful, yet far from perfect. My career...well, lets just say that I love what I do for a living, but it is far from a career. In fact, I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up! And that confidence, Istill fake it from time to time.
But I can say, I follow that pursuit of perfection far less than I used to.
My house does not have to be perfect, it just needs to be comfortable for my family and I. I will never have the body I had in my 20's, but this body has given life to another and has endured the pain of RA and age. My body may not be as physically strong as it was, but I have gained more strength through the challenges and trials in life. My marriage is not perfect, but like my body has gained strength through the tough times and my amazing husband is my rock. My cute smart, talented, funny daughter is beautifully imperfect.
Sometime in the past few years, I focused less on perfection. I started focusing on being happy, content "whatever state I am in". I started focusing on being healthy, not perfect. I let go of that impossibility of perfection and started being more real. I took off the mask and started showing the real me.
I try now to focus on the things I can change, work on things I can improve. I worry less about the things I can't change. And even in this, I am not perfect and sometimes worry and obsess about the little things or things out of my control.
It wasn't until I let go of that pursuit of perfection, that I looked in the mirror and realized that I liked what I saw, flaws and all!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Just me
I am not starting a blog because I think I have some amazing wisdom or words of advice. I do not have plans to change the world, the city, the neighborhood, or even my own home (well maybe my home, what woman doesn't?). I am doing this because as I am going about my daily duties, sometimes a random thought pops into my head and I think "I should write about that!"
Sometimes what pops into my head is funny, sometimes a bit thought provoking, sometimes controversial, sometimes just a bunch of hog wash or "fluff". Sometimes it is something that I think someone else would get some type of humor, pleasure, comfort, or entertainment from.
To say I am not a little nervous or scared to write and publish a blog would be a bald face lie. You see, I am the type of woman who always thinks I say too much and listen too little. I leave an encounter with someone else and think, "did I say anything I shouldn't have said?" I also tend to obsess about that, going over in my mind what was said, and how it could be taken. But I have decided to take the leap and just go for it!
If you gain some knowledge, comfort, or entertainment from this then great. If you don't agree with what I said, that's great too because that is what makes life interesting. If no one reads this then I hope I don't know, but it will have been fun for me to write anyway!
Sometimes what pops into my head is funny, sometimes a bit thought provoking, sometimes controversial, sometimes just a bunch of hog wash or "fluff". Sometimes it is something that I think someone else would get some type of humor, pleasure, comfort, or entertainment from.
To say I am not a little nervous or scared to write and publish a blog would be a bald face lie. You see, I am the type of woman who always thinks I say too much and listen too little. I leave an encounter with someone else and think, "did I say anything I shouldn't have said?" I also tend to obsess about that, going over in my mind what was said, and how it could be taken. But I have decided to take the leap and just go for it!
If you gain some knowledge, comfort, or entertainment from this then great. If you don't agree with what I said, that's great too because that is what makes life interesting. If no one reads this then I hope I don't know, but it will have been fun for me to write anyway!
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